Strengths and Priorities
We had another one of those conversations last night, my husband and me.
Me — emotional, weary, worn out, feeling deflated and defeated. Him — patient, attentive, reassuring, listening, until…he said: “priorities. It’s all about priorities.” Ugh. Thanks, husband. Just what I needed, logic and sensibility to be inserted into my swirling mess of emotions. Emotions stirred by both life circumstances I have control over and others that I don’t.
While I was annoyed in the moment I knew he was right, and it actually was what I needed to hear.
If you know me or have read anything I’ve previously written then you likely know that I have a strong lean toward the type-A personality. I like order, structure, a clear start and finish to things, clear-cut lines that I can feel secure in. However, even though I like these things and feel compelled to want to try and create a structure around myself that holds all these things, I’m actually not that great at keeping to it at times. I can also be sporadic, chatoic, high-achieving, set unrealistic goals for myself, try and cram a zillion things into one day, all while constantly trying to improve myself. I’m great at keeping going, but only for a time, until heaps of unprocessed emotions and varying circumstances in my own life or those around me seem to cascade over me like a tidal wave.
The irony in our conversation last night is that it was just a few weeks ago that I sensed the internal-voice of God saying “Focus on your strengths. Lean into and play on your strengths.” I knew when hearing this it was geared both towards me and towards others. This sense and prodding to lean into my strengths, stop focusing so much on my weaknesses and shortcomings and play to my strengths.
I was tempted to disregard this thought and phrase, but it kept coming back to me, and it was accompanied by a deep peace and knowing there was more to it. Then, in the midst of sitting on this thought a couple came to town who are trained in Strengths Finder Coaching and offered their coaching services free of charge. Timely to say the least.
A friend had paid for me to take the Strengths Finder test in 2017 and while the thought and results of the questionnaire had begun to re-surface to my mind, I hadn’t fully dove back into it since this play to your strengths thought had been coming up. Again, so timely. So both my husband and I received individual coaching sessions as well as a couples coaching session to look at how our strengths can support each other in married life. It was eye-opening and empowering and gave us fresh language to be able to acknowledge each others’ gifts and leanings.
I can fully identify with and see how I function in what would be considered my Top 5 Strengths according to this specific coaching tool: Connectedness, Restorative, Arranger, Positivity, and Learner. Yet even in the midst of seeing it and knowing I can focus on my strengths and not get hung up on constantly trying to improve myself, my marriage, my family, my household, my community, etc etc, I can still get hung up on trying to prioritize all the things instead of just focus on the majors and minor on the minors.
So, here I am — emotional, weary, worn out, feeling deflated and defeated, yet all in the context of having just been coached and given constructive guidance in how to do the very thing God was speaking; play to my strengths and prioritize accordingly.
But still: What to prioritize? How to have order, goals, and a sense of progress? How to let go and know that there are certain seasons and times for different things? How to make space to feel, process and release the depth of emotion swirling within all while still needing to carry on with being a mom and tending to my family’s needs?
I’m sure the letting go and surrendering will continue to take on various forms in different moments — but today it looked like a nap (while my kids are napping) instead of cleaning, writing instead of reading, weeping and releasing the varying emotions, tensions, and moments my heart is holding in this season, and surrendering my imperfections.
How can you lean into your strengths today? Do you know what they are? (DM or email me to learn more about some ways to discover your strengths.) How are they reflected in what you prioritize?
Are there varying tensions and emotions your heart is holding in this season? If so, what are they? Take time to write them down and share them with someone you trust.
There’s a grace and ease available as we learn the rhythms of rest we’ve been given access to in Christ Jesus, and as we learn to value the strengths and talents He has put within us for His glory and our good. (Matthew 11:28-30 and Matthew 25:14-30)
Photo by Tommy van Kessel on Unsplash
