Exchange
EXCHANGE: noun. an act of giving one thing and receiving another.
It was November 1st - I was leaving Huntington Beach for a full month of traveling, much of the month to be spent in Europe, split between a Circuit Rider trip and a personal visit to see some dear friends.
The knot of excitement, anticipation and a hint of nervousness in my stomach was very real. I felt held together by the YES in my heart and a determination to be all in with whatever God was about to ask of me.
There was a dream deposited into my heart 15+ years ago. A desire for a lifestyle that would be marked by such utter abandonment and dependence on God that others wouldn’t be able to help but look on and see His character displayed in every area of my life.
I knew that international and cross-cultural ministry would be a part of that.
I also knew that Europe would play a significant part in this.
That dream progressively took deeper root in my heart and while I saw glimpses of it come into existence I still knew there was M O R E to it.
I’d known a degree of dependency, a degree of the Creator’s love, a degree of abundant life - but still, only a degree.
I couldn’t shake the lingering conviction that if I would relinquish my final commitment with Circuit Riders, God would speak the next step.
And that’s just what He did.
There was something about having my feet back on European soil for the first time since summer 2012 that awakened that simple but weighty dream from years prior.
The month of November unveiled desires of my heart I'd long since stuffed away and exposed shrouded fears.
I awoke to not only my own desires but also to God's.
His supreme devotion to humanity and His passion to see all people come to know Him.
So once I pressed into God and asked Him to meet me in my tangled mess of desires and fears and surrendered what I’d known and made sense to me, I could then hear Him inviting me into an exchange of faithfulness.
Fear for faith.
Uncertainty for dependence.
He was calling me on every promise and lofty claim I’d made to Him.
Declarations that I would GO and carry the message & love of Jesus to people groups in the farthest corners of the Earth - no matter the cost.
My oath to always embrace His plans & desires over my own.
So I surrendered the deepest desires of my heart and the timing of them all coming into play - pushing off from the shore of the known and sailing into the vast waters of His grace and faithfulness.
I said Yes to letting go of what I’d known in exchange for the M O R E.
More dependency on God. More personal experience of His character & nature. More people encountering the true nature of God and the life found in His Son, Jesus.
But even in this surrender I was still left with the question:
What now, Lord?
PC: Renato Sanchez Lozada
